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:永远的痛:

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Slacking and slacking all day long... ...
I am having my oral communication exam on this tuesday..HTML exam on Friday, and yet i can still surf net for the whole afternoon. WAHAHA.
Dont have the mood to do homeworks.

I opened my POM's e-cases i will fall asleep.
I was cooking my own lunch, and yet i forgot to switch off the gas while steaming the minced pork.

Ended up burning the whole stainless steel plate and the food turned charcoal black..HEE =P

Yesterday i visited dad, 4 days never go visit him because i always finish school late and sleepy already. He seem to be more weaker than before.

Just now i read a girl's blog. Her boyfriend just passed away a few weeks ago. She was sooo sad about it. I cried while reading her blog, because compared to her i am more luckier, cos whatever i wanted to tell dad, i still have the chance, unlike her, she didn't have the chance as her BF died in Brunei.She didn't have the chance to hug him once more and say bye-bye.

After reading her blog, i really wanted to cherish what i have now more... I don't want to have anymore regrets in my life which i can never make up to it.Dad seem to be more forgetful, but he still remembers that i haven't been visiting him for a long time, i felt so guilty. Yesterday night, i ask mom, whether we should just let him go, without extending his sufferings nymore..., mom said :" You're the child that he dote most, and yet you are thinking of giving up..."

I know... i know he dote on me very much,...that is why i want to give up, because i really don't want to see him suffer...but his boss wanted to save his life, he's trying hard to help us save him...he's like an angel to me.=D.

Hope dad will appreciate it.Don't be stubborn and let us all disappointed.

27 June 2008 is the start of the comic and games fair..,BUT I DONT HAVE THE INVITATION TO GO IN!! And i wasn't aware that i need that to go in. Man, wasted my time, i took bus 162 from yio chu kang to Suntec. 1h 20 mins. my time~~~!!! Forget it. Some cute pictures below.HEH.



That's all b ye~



我爱你 froze in time on 6/29/2008 05:31:00 PM

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


hee, i forgot to update Jeff's HK trip.
He spent almost $1k Sing dollar there...,buying all the weird stuffs.Haaa, there's something that he bought worth the price ~ And that is my shin chan dolls and toys! haha.
I was so happy when i see him taking out all the shin chan, because i was so addicted to la bi xiao xin. I have been waiting for my shin chan for so long, because i was unable to get it in Singapore. HEE. i love it i love it i love it!!! Thanks my best dear!!!!!




Byebye~~~ ah lo haaa






我爱你 froze in time on 6/24/2008 10:18:00 AM

Sunday, June 22, 2008

On Friday , 20 June 2008, i woke up at 9.30am and went to SGH with my mom to visit my dad, when we reach there, he's sleeping soundly.
About 1.45pm, the paramedics came with a bed and pushed my dad into a private ambulance.
Hais, i am rather disappointed with the ambulance, i expected it to be the normal ambulance that's used for emergency...but it didn't came out as what i expected.

My first time sitting in an old and lousy ambulance made me regret to come to hospital that day.
Anyway we have transfer dad from SGH to Hospice.
SGH don't want to let my dad continue to stay there, now i know how cruel is the hospital. They just do anything to send you away just to occupied the space for the other paitents.
I still prefer SGH than the hospice.

Hospice - a nice way to say, will be a place for people to have a peaceful stay over there in order for them to recover well.., but another way to say the place is totally freaking horrible.
They serve ANY foods to my dad, which most of them my dad can't eat, if he eat he will shorten his life even faster.
I was so worried about the meals he'll be taking there. The doctors and nurses already put my dad into a " No hope " category, and even tell us that most of the paitents there can't survive 3 months, i finally understand why they say that by the foods they serve and their service there
-- totally sucks.

The worker ask my mom : " If anything happens to your husband, is there anyone who can help you in the financial problems? "...
We kept quiet, because our answer is obviously NO.
My dad's relatives never give a shit to help us in financial, and expect us to give my dad the best service we can get, but they never know where we get the money from.

Saving will be drained sooner or later.
Medical bills is so scary.

Nobody help us except my dad's kind boss.
We really owed him a lot.
From my own experience, i realised, relatives is only a bunch of shit people,who used their mouth to say.
"It's easier to say than to be done." - They simply don't understand this sentence, cos they're all so freaking rich, but never put out a bit of helping hand.

Even people who have no blood connections with us, helped us no matter what.
Financially or mentally.
I am so thankful to them.


but......
*Dad, we're still clinging hope on you, your boss already helped you so much so much, so much that we will never be able to repay his kindness.So please do not give up.......*

我爱你 froze in time on 6/22/2008 12:01:00 AM

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

My dad have been admitted to SGH on 16/6/2008.
The doctor says that his cancer have spread everywhere in his organs.
He can't walk too much, he can't eat more than 3 table spoons of congee every day..
He is lying beside all the old sick man who looked much more older than him.
Nurses who take care of my dad thought that he's in the 60s.., but my dad is just 51years old. This coming september is his 52's birthday.
My uncle ask the doctor how long can my dad lives.............
3 m o n t h s.
I wish i can quit school now, and work.
Taking care of dad everyday.
Cos i don't know what will happen tomorrow.
I'm tired......
How i wish i can exchange my life with dad,at least he's more useful than me.


DAD! i am hoping very hard that you can pull through this hard time.
Please...............................................................

我爱你 froze in time on 6/18/2008 11:36:00 AM

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Tomorrow morning, my dad is admitting in SGH,.... yes, he finally couldn't tolerate the pain.....
I really hope he can be better after admitting into hospital, from tomorrow onwards, when i want to see my dad, i have to take train to Outram Park and walk to SGH to see him, I pray that he will discharge soon, so that i can always accompany him at home. I'll miss him a lot. =(.
Dad . .. happy father's day. ... h a p p y y ... father's day......
Live long, and healthily .. We'll wait for you to come back home again.



*Today dad told me,
" ru, remember this forever,no matter what happens, you must be a good sister, a good daughter. Take care of your mum.. .. " i almost cried..in front of him.. - I'll dad. Don't worry.I'll take good care of everyone.I promised you...no matter what happens. ...

He said : Rememeber on the next 3 March, buy your brother a present. .. I really hope i can live till that day..........to buy him a present...,and when he go in NS, accompany him. Don't let him feel lonely. Give in to him. As long as you give in, you'll get a reward in future. .....

This is what he told me, and i can never forget.

我爱你 froze in time on 6/15/2008 10:35:00 PM

Friday, June 13, 2008

By this time i think you should be eating and chatting away happily with your relatives.
Yeah Yeah, today is the day my Jeff went to Hong Kong, haha he promised to buy me lots of things! woo hoo~ but i hope he will at least buy something i liked ! hehe
While i was walking fast pass the magazines shop, i notice there's a new shin chan comic! haha .
I gave the auntie $4 and got hold of the comic! So happy. hehe. I've been waiting for it for months. Hope that i can collect every single comics book drawn by Yoshito Usui, he's cool man, thank god he created shin chan who painted my life with colours.
Though i couldn't understand Japanese language, but i still love to watch the show.
heee.
Oh ya, people who wanna go to the IT on sat, sun, be prepared.
The crowd is CRAZY! hahah
cos the things is really cheap man. I was so tempted to buy a digital camera.Lucky i never buy, if not i'll be slaughter by my mom. haha. Never mind, i am still not in the fate to buy that camera.

I MISS MY JEff.
Tonight and the continous 6 nights i won't be hearing his voice.

我爱你 froze in time on 6/13/2008 11:16:00 PM

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Are sons useful or useless?
I've been thinking this question for sometimes, and my answer is - useless. Totally useless.

Sons are not as caring as daughters, they don't really bother much about family. All they can think is gaming , money, career. That's why i describe them as useless.
My best example will be my 2 brothers. Elder one - Fucking useless, all he care is himself, he will never think for others. Violent is the only word i can describe him ; extremely violent, everytime when i look at my broken tooth, it will make me think of him. He punched my face just because he wanted to use the phone while i was using. He don't have this word "wait" in his dictionary at all. He will use violent to get everything he wanted, that's why my mom regretted to let him learn Wu Shu.
Opening the door for someone to come in, will let him scold.
UNLESS I KNOW MY HOUSE ONLY LIVES CORSPES, I'LL BRING MY KEYS EVERYDAY! FUCKU!
i replied him everytime he scolded me because of that.

My younger brother - inconsiderate, always being controlled by his pigs and dog's friends. Teaching him the correct way, he will argue with you until you stop talking to him, always spend money like as if his father is earning millions...I just hated them to core.
I hope one day they both will just disappear.

Today , early in the morning i accomapany my parents to National Cancer Centre.
Bad News again, the report says that the cancer cells have spread to kidney,liver and etc.
My dad's doctor say, liver cancer is the most complicated one to cure.
Oh my godness, no wonder my left eye lid keep jumping, i knew something bad will happen, yeah, it did.
After hearing this, my dad said : "i think may not be able to live through this year."

hais, i really don't know what to say, i am going crazy soon.

我爱你 froze in time on 6/10/2008 01:54:00 PM

Monday, June 9, 2008

Today i went jogging with Jeff - my bf. He was unexpectedly jogging faster than i thought. As,he always hated to exercise. 3 more days he will be going to Hong Kong to attend his cousin's wedding.Haa, his poor brother got to stay in Sg due to the project he have to complete before school reopen.(T.T) 2 more days my friend will be in NS, and i have yet to meet him. Feeling guilty for not meeting him. =.=" I am broke recently, and was unable to buy anything since GSS started,..irritating. Now than i realise it's good to stay at home forever, as this is the place that i can sleep as long as i wanted to, eat whatever i want, watch tv, relax.So good...
The Impact of Cancer
This is my dad, 2 years ago, when he didn't know that he have diagnose Lung Cancer.
I missed his healthy smiles.....
This is my mom and dad, taken on the 25 Jan 2008.
Soon after, his bad cells, spread to his brain.
That causes brain cancer.
These days while i am at home, i was trying hard to cheer up my dad, he seems to be so bored lying on the bed all day long, but he got no choice as he couldn't stand up too long.Till yesterday, he said he felt that his right part of the lung is very painful, i can see he's suffering badly, i really want to share his pain, so that he won't be so painful. He keep vomiting, he couldn't eat anything the whole day, he's getting slimmer and slimmer,........I really wanted to do something that can help him, but i don't know what to do. I was so sad about that.
Slow death is much more suffering that those who have instant death.
.....i just couldn't let my dad go....because i trusted that he will still recover one day,he will fulfil me dreams right? ........
dad, keep going. Your family loves you......very much..

我爱你 froze in time on 6/09/2008 10:36:00 PM

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Today is our 14 months together.
Our love has never change towards each other from the day we're together until now.
Yeah~ One more week to my school holiday...so envy of those people who are having their holidays now. Haaa. I have finally get off those ICA I stress, but still, i left one more subject to take- Micro Economics. My FAVORITE subject.Hahaha, but i wonder if i can answer my questions correctly.
My bf have been growing in size recently ( Is his classmates who said that, NOT me.) HAHA.
so we have been going out for some exercise for the sake of him....but these few days the weather isn't that good, so we didn't go out for exercise. HEE.GSS is here for soo many weeks le but i only bought a Blouse from G2000 for my ICA II presentation. Kinda nice and cheap - $49 only~ haaa.
11 days for my dear departure to Hong Kong.
So sad, he didn't bring me along.....
This few days without him i hope i can meet up some friends to catch up, so long never meet my friends .. pei shan, sorry, i always can't make it when u ask me out, this week of holiday i will tag along whereever u gooo. heeee...
That's all for today, i still got hw to rush.TA-TA.


01 04 2007...
The day we 're attached.
You promised that your love towards me will never change, neither do i will change..
I love you jeff.

我爱你 froze in time on 6/01/2008 11:02:00 PM


__________________

This is me
`I'M 19
`D.O.B : 09Nov90
`Graduated from BNSS
`Studying In NYP (2nd Yr)
`Diploma of Business Management(Retail)
`In a relationship

'I have lost someone who means a lot to me, from that day, I've been alone in my journey to future. Living in despair, the only reason to live is to fulfill my promises to him.

This Heart is dead ever since.*20.07.2008*

**..His Last Smile..**
> .さ。よ。な。ら
______________________

I just like it!
1. Money!
2. BF
3. Family
4. Handphones
5. Sports =/
_____________________

The Band I'm In Love With
Mayday 五月天
My one and only
Nohara Shinnosuke
__________________

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